环球视角 l 过年回家被花式嫌弃 不挤兑你两句 咱俩真的无话可说

眼看着新年就快要到了，很多提前放假的朋友已经在家里呆了一段时间。

想必也有很多人已经经历了从刚回家时的安心与欣慰，到充满矛盾的争吵这一转变的过程。

父母和子女之前存在的矛盾，似乎是中国大部分家里中无解的难题。

有些家庭的矛盾能够随着时间化解，但有些家庭的矛盾却成为了父母子女心中永远的心结。

中国式的家庭矛盾我们都已经有所了解了，那么国外的家庭又会存在哪些问题呢？跟着小K来看看吧！

“这让我很伤心”

对Linda Culver来说，矛盾是在一件又一件不经意的小事中产生的。或许产生爱，需要很轰轰烈烈的情节，但打破爱，可能只需要几句不经意的话。

The first time she saw me after I moved away with my first husband she told me how fat I was. Literally the first thing she told me when she got off the plane. At the time I was 5’8” and weight approximately 150 pounds. In no way was I overweight. She however was 5’4” and weight no less than 250 pounds at any given time. I thought about just leaving her at the airport. That broke my heart cause she knew my appearance meant everything.

我和我的第一任丈夫搬走后，她第一次见到我时，她说我有多胖。这是她下飞机后告诉我的第一件事。当时我身高5英尺8英寸，体重大约150磅。我一点也不胖。然而，她身高5英尺4英寸，体重在任何时候都不低于250磅。我想过把她留在机场。这让我很伤心，因为她知道外表对我而言意味着一切。

When I got engaged to my current husband he gave a beautiful ring he allowed me to pick out and get sized. I was over the moon when he asked me to marry him. When I came home I shared the news and showed her my ring. I was all smiles. The only thing she said was “it looks way too tight.” Seriously though, I’m glad she didn’t get to see me marry him.

当我和我现在的丈夫订婚时，他给了我一个漂亮的戒指，他让我挑选并确定尺寸。当他向我求婚时，我欣喜若狂。回到家，我告诉了她这个消息，还给她看了我的戒指。我满面笑容。她只说了一句:“它看起来太紧了。”“不过说真的，我很高兴她没有看到我嫁给他。

“她认为你有这种感觉只是因为软弱”

小K经常会有疑惑：为什么当我们面对朋友、同事甚至陌生人时，我们会尽可能地去展示自己的善意，然而当我们和家人相处时，总会控制不住地流露出一些恶意呢？是不是正如陈奕迅歌里说的那样：被偏爱的有恃无恐？

网友Kiara也有这方面的经历。

I was always an obedient daughter who my parents loved to brag about. Straight As, considered pretty by the standards, popular at school and made friends easily. I was always the brightest star and I wanted the world to know it. But that all changed because of one word. Fat. Seeing my sister swing on the clothes line made me want to join in since my siblings were my besties. But once I had swung on it a couple of times along with my sister it broke. Me being the responsible daughter I was immediately told my dad about it not expecting that he would lash out on me and would then say, a sentence I till this day will never forget "it broke cause you went on it can't you see your obviously fat? You sister can't have broken it she is so skinney!” I was in shock but It was when my mum, the woman who I always listened to, made sure had eaten, slept enough and constantly clean for, cooked for looked me dead in the eyes and agreed with him.

我一直是一个听话的女儿，我父母喜欢吹嘘我。全优生，按标准认为很漂亮，在学校很受欢迎，很容易交到朋友。我一直是最闪亮的明星，我想让全世界都知道这一点。但这一切都因为一个词而改变了。脂肪。看到姐姐在晾衣绳上荡秋千让我想要加入，因为我的兄弟姐妹是我最好的朋友。但是有一次我和我姐姐一起在上面荡了几下，它就断了。作为一个负责任的女儿，我立刻被爸爸告诉了这件事，没想到他会对我发火，然后说一句我直到今天都不会忘记的话:“它坏了是因为你去了它，难道你看不出你明显很胖吗?”你妹妹不可能把它弄坏的——她太瘦了!我很震惊，但当我的母亲——我总是听她的话的女人——确保吃饱睡足，经常打扫卫生做饭的时候，她的眼神死死盯着我，并同意了他的观点。

It might not seem like that word could have this much impact but it did. It created this whole list of problems that after 11 whole years I haven't gotten over. 11 years stuck in the same cycle of restricting, forced vomiting, not wanting to eat for days and crying looking at mirrors. My mum broke my trust and made me feel like there was something wrong with me from a young age and her constant insulting in which she calls light criticing, along with bullying that i kept to myself left me with so much crippling self acceptance that I've been a homebody for months even before quarantine. I don't know what to do about. I'm so stuck it hurts but my mum doesn't understand mental health at all, she thinks your just weak for feeling this way and maybe I am and maybe that's why I haven't asked for help and never will.

这个词可能看起来没有这么大的影响，但它确实有。它产生了一系列的问题，11年过去了，我还没能克服。11年都被困在同样的循环中，限制饮食，强迫呕吐，好几天不想吃东西，看着镜子哭。我妈妈打破了我的信任,让我觉得我有毛病从小和她不断侮辱她所谓的评论家,连同欺凌,我对自己一直给我留下那么多严重的自我接受,我是一个爱家的好几个月之前隔离。我不知道该怎么办。我很伤心，但我妈妈根本不懂心理健康，她认为你有这种感觉只是因为软弱，也许我就是这样，也许这就是为什么我从未寻求帮助，也永远不会寻求帮助的原因。

“我发现她是一个囤积狂”

即使是在一起生活多年的亲人，彼此也会有无法忍受的缺点。但亲人的这些缺点足以消磨彼此之间的爱吗？小K不得而知。

下面是来自网友Ryan Gibbons的看法。

I found out that she was a hoarder. Like, she literally threw nothing away. There were boxes of things that hadn’t been used in decades, or were broken beyond repair, that were stashed away in every nook and cranny of the house. It was a nightmare to navigate. I found out that even though she claimed she wasn’t, she was really racist. I found out that even though she claimed that she wasn’t, she was really homophobic. She was a chain smoker. I can’t criticise her for smoking, I did that myself. But she always had a cigarette in her hand.

我发现她是个囤积狂。她真的什么都没扔。有一箱箱几十年没用过的东西，或是坏得无法修补的东西，藏在房子的每一个角落和缝隙里。这是一场噩梦。我发现尽管她声称自己不是，但她真的是种族主义者。我发现尽管她说她不是，但她真的很恐同。她是个老烟枪。我不能因为她抽烟而批评她，那是我自己做的。但她手里总是拿着一根烟。

—END—