父亲节前的思考：孩子是否应为“卑微”的父母感到自卑？

（中英对照版）

马上就要父亲节了，昨天看了一个煽情小视频。

Father’s Day is coming up. I watched a sensational short movie yesterday.

大学、大公司附近，一些衣着楚楚的大学生、公司白领的父母却在从事他们瞧不起的卖菜、清洁等工作。一方面，父母辛苦劳作，却为防孩子操心，电话中故意说自己很轻松。甚至路边碰到孩子，也装作不认识，怕孩子在同学、同事前丢脸。另一方面，孩子路上碰见父母，绕路走开，不愿相认，因为他们真的觉得丢脸。后来，在第三者的劝说下，这些孩子勇敢地走向父母，说：“谢谢，我为你感到骄傲！”。视频以他们深情拥抱结束。

Near some colleges and big companies, the parents of some elegant students and white collars made a living by selling food materials or cleaning, but in fact, these jobs were despised by their children. On one hand, the parents worked hard but intentionally told their children on telephone that they were comfortable and at ease, for fearing that the children would be worried. Even running into their children, they pretended to be strangers not to humiliate their children in front of their schoolmates and colleagues. On the other hand, the children would rather bypass intentionally than meet with their parents because they really felt ashamed for the occupations of their parents.

Finally, a third party persuaded these young persons to approach their parents, saying,“Thank you, and I am proud of you”. The movie ended with their hugging emotionally.

视频弘扬了正能量，很好！但我有如下特别的思考：

This movie is awesome because of sharing positive energy. However, I thought of something special as below:

从情理上，我们都批判这些明知父母在校门口卖菜却不肯相认的学生，骂他们数典忘祖。其实，这是人之常情。这些小孩，基本上处于青春期，处在寻求身份认同的成长阶段，一切尚未定型。他们可能会将父母的情形和自己的身份、能力做简单的等同和替代。看到父母从事自己认为不那么高大上的工作，往往会联想到自身的无能，便产生自卑和自我否定，觉得羞愧、委屈，于是不愿相认。这是一种心理防御机制，很正常。其实他们不是真的嫌弃父母，只是不愿接受自身的渺小、无能而已。当然，用理智来分析，这些关联是错误的。每个人都会经历此阶段，时间长短、领悟早晚不同而已！早的在上大学时就能解决，迟的一生都想不通。

We emotionally criticize those young students, who deliberately bypass to avoid meeting with their parents just because they knew their old parents selling food materials at the gate of the schools and felt ashamed for it. We call them as “forgetting their ancestors and not respecting the parents”, but actually, this is all about human nature. Normally, this young persons are in their adolescence, which is a period of developing and seeking for identification, so nothing should be regarded as fixated. They may build a simple equation between the conditions of their parents and their own status plus capacity. Seeing their parents’ so-called humble jobs, they make a connection in the mind and conceive it means their own incapability, which cause the self-abasement and self-denial. Thus, they feel ashamed and wronged, then aren’t willing to meet their parents. This is a mental mechanism and is also normal. In fact, rather than dislike and avoid their parents really, they are just not willing to accept their own insignificance and incapability. Of course, these connections are wrong when analyzed with rationality. Every one might experience this period, despite the difference of its duration and the time of final perception. The earlier time of enlightenment might be in college, while some will perish before resolving this issue.

另外，视频表达了：父母自食其力、辛勤劳动，是“好人”，不丢人，所以孩子应该认他们，应为他们感到自豪而不是自卑。这当然是正能量。我又进一步想道：如果父母不是“好人”，而是好吃懒做的、骗子、罪犯、遗弃甚至杀害自己的孩子的人，那么孩子要不要认自己的父母呢？或者应该对自己的父母抱持什么样的态度呢？是爱、平淡、憎恨、嫌弃，或者远离、帮助、救赎呢？是否会因此感到自卑呢？作为同学、朋友、同事、师长，又应该对这样的孩子采取什么样的态度呢？这真是值得思考的事啊！

Besides, the parents in this movie made the living on their own, and worked with diligence, so they are “good people”, who should not be looked down upon. It is supposed to be positive energy that their children recognize them and feel proud other than ashamed of them.

However, I think further: If instead of “good persons”, the parents are lazy people, cheaters, criminals, or even those who abandon and murder their children, should they be recognized by their children? Or what kind of attitude should be taken to those parents? Should it be love, indifference, hatred, dislike, isolation, help, or redemption? Might they feel inferior because of it? What kind of manners should we adopt to be with those children, as the roles of schoolmates, friends, colleagues, or teachers? That’s something really worth thinking about!